Homework: Make a list of the strengths of your husband.
Our brains LOVE auto pilot. If we think similar thoughts consistently, there becomes a railroad track where the train can just go on auto pilot through those similar thoughts with very little effort from you, and you reap all of the consequences. If they are good thoughts- good, positive vibes. If they are negative and critical- depression and anxiety.
If you are a believer in Christ, you have the power within you to capture your thoughts and make them serve you. If your current thoughts are breeding emotions and consequences that are not helpful or serving your marriage you can begin to change them. Counselors are trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that helps you do exactly this. Retraining your brain to recognize the thinking errors, challenge the lies and build a more accurate, helpful auto pilot.
Start with making a list of your husbands strengths. Push yourself to really see him in his best light. See if that does not help you already.
*If you struggle with this, call a counselor to walk along side you. I am over simplifying many things in these reflections. I promise you it is not ever easy to list your spouses’ strengths if you have been married for a length of time, but if it is incredibly difficult you may need support from someone who has training in helping you process trauma, recognize abuse or set boundaries.